just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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