I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
