the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
