I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
