I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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