We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
