i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize