my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
