she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
