genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize