I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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