Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
