I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
