I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
