Porn is love you can see.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
