I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize