Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
