i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
