why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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