Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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