And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
