Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
my poor anus
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
