While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
