A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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