I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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