To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
