So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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