All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
