Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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