Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
