I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
