just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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