That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My balls are so social today.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
