things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
