I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
