Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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