he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
