If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my being single is dangerous.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
