don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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