Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
