I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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