who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
