Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
