Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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