Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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