Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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