I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
