Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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