Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
