yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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