I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
