Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
