Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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