I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize