His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
