I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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