i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
People in love make me want to vomit
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
