your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize