Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
