Heybabeimwearingurpanties
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
