Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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