I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
