Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
