i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
