And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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