That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
