After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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