It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
