just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize