I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
