How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
