I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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