We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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