My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
