Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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