I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
