We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
