Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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