I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
