My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
